I’m being selfish, I get it!

I met with my coach today and we had a discussion about the search for life balance and how the various aspects of life all play into the balancing act.  As we started our session I refreshed her on the balance I am starting to feel with my work life and how I have found a professional venue to practically apply the behaviors that lead toward a more balanced approach to life.  My new behaviors (honesty, direct communication, humility, etc.) applied at my new place of work have me enjoying professional life and in turn, has me more engaged at home.  I have more time to spend with the kids, time to be the one to drop them off at practices and I’m not letting my new role demand that I have my phone buried against the side of my head while I pretended to be the involved parent.

All of this sounds great, right?  Here is my problem.  Now that I have this new found work balance, can someone please explain why the hell I feel so uncomfortable?  I’ve been freaking out for the last couple of weeks because I have talked, written, questioned and angled to get this work balance and I’m still edgy.  I posed this issue to my coach and then shared a bigger concern; my introspective guess as to why I feel edgy.  My newly found work balance has enabled me to spend more time at home, yes, but that time is with 3 “active” children who aren’t all that peaceful to be around and I don’t love the noise, shouting, running, driving, yelling, cleaning, jumping and the laundry list of other kid-like behaviors that my new found work balance has offered me a ring side seat for.  In short, it is much easier to work 12 hour days and come home to a quiet house and that realization is making me feel pretty freaking selfish.  My coach shared that this is all normal; a decompression of sorts and she continues to reinforce the need for honesty and open communication during this time because it will allow me work on balancing my home life, as I have begun to balance work.

I know it’s cliché to say that life is multi-dimensional and that I’m trying to find myself within those dimensions, but it seems to be true.  I’m more work balanced, agreed, but now I feel more chaotic at home, so my “life balance” quest is going to focus on a more holistic approach.  I’ve noticed that I have been attempting to balance 1 element of my life at a time (work or home or personal) and the other areas get neglected, which makes my entire life feel just as chaotic as it did prior to my regular search for balance.  I am going to begin applying the behaviors I mentioned earlier in this article to each of the areas of my life and we’ll see if that helps. 

As I work to strike balance as an employee, a father, a husband and become a more authentic person, I’ll keep you posted on my progress and if I can find the magic solution to juggling all life throws at us, I will make sure to pass it along.

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